Do The Work

Wherever you set foot, you will be on land that I have given you...Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.--Joshua 1:3, 9

Then David continued, " Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will to it that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord is finished correctly."--1 Chronicles 28:20

But Christ, as the Son, is in charge of God's entire house. And we are God's house, if we keep our courage and remain confident in Christ.--Hebrews 3:6

Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?--1 Corinthians 6:19

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!--Psalm 84:1

In the last couple of months my dream has shifted from inspiring youths to choose the straight and narrow, to ministering to women. While I have a list a mile long of things I want teenagers to know, things I wish I had known or understood better or understood at all, I have no such list for women. Fact is, it terrifies me. I'm young, I'm a bit awkward and nervous when it comes to teaching, and I feel that I have no authority to tell anyone anything. My dog barely listens to me and my son rarely does...although I blame that on the fact that neither of them as a real great grasp on English yet.

But I was fortunate enough to hear a sermon several years ago about Joshua--the man and the book. Using the first chapter of Joshua as his text this preacher explained that if the man had only trusted God, every single step he took would've been blessed. It says so right there in black and white. And then the famous, be strong and courageous, be strong and courageous, haven't I commanded you? BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! I think God wanted Joshua to be strong and courageous.

But if Joshua was anything like me, his next question would've been: how? How can I be strong, courageous, not terrified, not discouraged? Because quite frankly, taking the promised land, chasing down a dream, is daunting, especially when you feel unqualified.

So I've done a little word study using my brand spanking new Bible and it's wonderful concordance. I've never had a Bible with such a good concordance and I've made good use of it! I've read every verse with the words strong, strength, strengthen, courage, and courageous. I've written down all of them that made any sense out of context and I've tried to draw some conclusions.

I'm not quite there yet, so I won't waste your time with my fragmented throughts. But I did notice something. Something I'm still mulling over but felt ready to share. Re-read those verses I put at the very beginning of this post. Do you see how they connect?

Be strong and courageous. Don't be afraid or discouraged. Do the work. God is with you. (David is telling Solomon the same things that Joshua was told way back in Joshua 1). Why? How? Because God won't fail you. HE will see to it that all the work is finished. The work on the temple. And not just Solomon's temple, but THE temple. The church, the body and bride of Christ. And more intimately, me. I am a living temple, the dwelling place of the Spirit. And I am lovely, or being made lovely, complete, perfect.

Do the work...even when you're tired and it feels like a big floppity failure. Do the work...even when you can't think a straight thought. Do the work...even when you feel unqualified and nervous and scared. Because God is with you and God will see that the work is finished. The work in me, the work being done through me.

The Spirit of the Lord of Heaven's Armies dwells in me--whom shall I fear? What shall I fear? Failure, exhaustion, inadequacy. Ridiculous.

Here's the thing...right now, the work ahead of me is not just women's ministry, that's just the dream. To write like Beth Moore, to teach like Kay Arthur, to instruct like Lysa TerKeurst, to encourage like Angela Thomas. One part of the work for right now is to lead a women's Bible study and to teach the youth Sunday school, however bumbling. But the other part, the greater part, of the work in my life, the one I really feel unqualified for is that of wife & mother. Somehow, I didn't feel like such a hapless wife until I started feeling like such a helpless mother. Funny how insecurities can unravel you like pulling the wrong thread in a sweater. This, however, is my calling, my true ministry, my most important work. And I must do the work of mothering and help-meeting, and nurturing the men I love--my husband and my son. Even when I feel like a big floppity failure. Because it's GOD who is seeing that work will be finished on HIS dwelling place--me, my house, and my family. And no matter how I feel about myself in any given moment on any given day, He already dwells in me and therefore, I am already lovely.

And this is my verse, the one I'm clinging to in order to do the work and see it through each day...

The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him--2 Chronicles 16:9

If I am wholly committed, all in, not holding anything back...then He gives me His strength to do the work, to forge on, to see it through. For His glory and for my good, and for the good of the lives I touch. And that's a promise worth clinging to. Standing on even. Standing on the promises of God, my Savior!

And I promise...once I round out some more of my thoughts on this whole strong & courageous thing, I'll share. Because there's some really great stuff there, some wonderful patterns and promises. But in the meantime...do the work...

Surround Yourself With the Things You Love

I love it when I start to think about something---really think about it--God throws reassurances in my path to gobble up. Like Hansel and Gretl, but without being almost cooked and eaten in the end. ANYWAY--that has absolutely nothing with what I'm going to write about but...I had to share. Because the God part is sorta connected. The cannibalism is not.

Okay, now that's we've got that settled, let's put on our serious faces and get down to business.

I saw a decorative wooden sign recently that said: Surround Yourself With the Things You Love. And I thought to myself, I should buy that sign, to remind myself of that. And then I had to laugh at myself because that's my problem. I love too many things! So I have to buy myself a sign to remind myself to only bring in to my house that which I love the most...and I don't really love that sign...so it would be counter intuitive. Oh, sigh...oh, me.

But instead I committed that little phrase to memory and I am capturing it for time immemorial on this blog. I have a lot of stuff. I always have. My brother and I were the long awaited grandchildren, the much hoped for next generation. So when we came along, there was a load of 'stuff' waiting for us upon arrival. Our whole lives we've been given and collecting things. My brother doesn't seem to have the same addiction for sentimental stuff that I have but nonetheless, he hasn't been able to completely escape the STUFF!

So as a child, my room was always filled to capacity. Then when we started all the moves from apartment to apartment it got boxed up for 'someday'. Well, getting married and have a whole house to decorate seemed like 'someday' had arrived. Except that...there was more stuff on top of the original stuff. And we got wedding stuff. And Curtis has stuff...albeit not very much stuff, not like me. And our house is just stuffed with stuff already. And we don't even have kids yet.

I feel claustrophobic just thinking about it. And the clutter is out of control. I think I'm secretly running a Clutter Factory and someday the Clutter Elves will bring me a fat paycheck for manufacturing so much clutter. There's clutter on every flat surface...the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, the computer room, the bathroom, the bedroom! CLUTTER, CLUTTER EVERYWHERE, and not a drop to drink...or something.

Frankly, I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!! So I'm trying to de-stuff and de-clutter the house. I've read many magazine articles and searched for tips online. I've tried several methods and plans in my battle against stuff and clutter. But the problem is--what works for someone else, Martha Stewart, my mom, whoever--might not work for me. The solution to stuff and clutter is apparently not one-size-fits-all.

So I'm overhauling my views about my house. Shifting my paradigms of housekeeping. For example, we have a ridiculously small closet in our bedroom. Ridiculously. Small. So my dresses and skirts have been relegated to the Nursery closet (so named because someday that room will be a nursery) and the Guest Room closet. So whenever I wear a skirt or dress I have to go all the way to another room to get it out and put it away. Now, really, this isn't that big a deal but clearly, it's not working for me. My skirts and dresses end up draped over the balcony railing above the dining room. After months of this behavior I realized--it's broken, fix it! I went through all our clothes and filled a huge garbage full of items we just don't wear. Or don't need. My husband had 3 blue long sleeve dress shirts, almost exactly the same. Really? And then I moved all my skirts into the closet. My next step is to try on all my dresses and donate what doesn't fit anymore along with all that other stuff. De-stuff which leads to de-clutter. Love it.

I'm looking around my house and trying to see why there's clutter. The answer is because there's too much stuff. So by eliminating the stuff, there's room to put the clutter away. Thus far I haven't spent a dime but I've managed to empty one large storage bin and two or three smaller boxes. It feels good to purge the house and elimintate the things we don't need or don't really and truly love. Life is too short to fill it with a bunch of stuff I don't love and have to dust around.

And my goal isn't perfection (gasp!). It's to make our house a home. Gee, I've said that before, haven't I? Ann Voskamp' s blog today speaks to this very idea. A 'perfect' home is not a perfect home. Museum quality cleanliness isn't warm and cozy. But neither is clutter and stuff oozing from every closet, nook, and cranny.

And remember how I started this post with God throwing out the crumbs? Well, the aforementioned blog is one of them. So is this blog which my mom sent me. Another is the following verse which I read last night:

Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.--Matthew 6:19-21

So what matters to me most? Having a bunch of stuff because it brings back a memory or I just 'had to have it'? Or emptying out so I can be filled up with things I love? Because my house is like my heart. I can hold on to the stuff I've always had or always wanted, or I can let God fill it with His gifts.

So...go clean out a closet or something! Or read Hansel and Gretl and think about how messed up children's stories used to be. Seriously.

Domestically Challenged

Domesticity doesn't come easy for me. I think some people, some women particularly, are hardwired for homemaking. They have a natural knack for arranging things just right and an enthusiasm for seeing a cake turn out perfectly. Me? My house tends to look like an antique store with all my collections fighting for space. My cakes turn out just fine until I try to frost them. That part always ends with me very upset--either yelling or near tears--insisting that it looks ridiculous and my husband saying things like, its just going to be eaten anyway. Bless his heart.

No, I've had to trick myself into embracing this domesticity stuff. I appreciate the idea of it. I long for a well kept house where everything has a place and is in its place. I would love to be a good cook whipping up delicious dinners and yummy desserts. Its just...remember that clumsiness I mentioned in my other post? Well, I'm a domestic klutz as well. Like I said, I can't even frost a cake without it turning into a small confectionary diaster. I was mopping the dining room floor with Mop & Glo and inadvertantly squirted it on the wall of our peninsula (like an island but attached to the wall...like a bar that's too tall for stools). And by the way, Mop & Glo will leave a mark on the wall. And then...months later, I did it again. When I clean our shower I always end up soaking wet. It's a miracle I haven't turned all our underwear pink (knock on wood!!!).

But I'm learning the benefit of rising above myself. Practice may not ever make perfect for me but it is improving my domestic skills. I finally just got tired of wanting the well-ordered home but not doing a thing about it. As if merely desiring something is enough...does this remind you of my first post? The whole wanting a merry heart and believing that wanting it was enough to make it happen? The same is true with my home. It will never be a real home, the home that I want to give myself and my husband, if I do nothing more than just think about it.

I get trapped into that frequently---thinking not doing. I realized just before graduating from BGSU that I am a perfectionist, and its that deisre that keeps me from acting. It's better to do nothing than to not do it perfectly, or at least really, really well. It's a debilitating way of life. I over-think and over-analyze and over-plan until I'm paralyzed to take action. This kept me from studying abroad, it made wedding planning an absolute nightmare instead of a joy, and it keeps me from making our house into a haven from the world.

But no more! It is not enough to merely know these things. It is good to be self-aware...it helps a lot when I'm seeking to be a better me. But just having the realization is only part. I can't just talk, or complain, or plan--although I excel at all three things. I have to do that which I do not excel at--do. I have to actually do something. I have to actually put the clean clothes away after I've washed them. I have to vacuum the living room floor if I don't want to look at puffs of fur. These are obvious things and I know that...but I don't do them routinely. I make them into Herculean tasks as if I should be awarded for washing some dishes.

No...enough is enough, Rebecca. If you want to be domestic (and I do!) then you have to choose it. Isn't that the same with everything? If you want joy, you must choose it instead of negativity. If you want peace, you must choose it rather than bitterness. If you want love, you must choose it instead of fear. If you want a well-ordered home, you must choose to take action rather than expecting some magical fairy to come in and do it for you. Although, magical fairy, if you're reading this, please feel free to drop by anytime!

So anyway, when I sat down to write this I intended it to be a list of tips that I've found to help me stay motivated to keep my house a home and not just a place for all our stuff. But you know me, I have to tell a story with everything.

1) Rock out: A friend of mine many years ago told me she likes the Bee Gees because her mother used to listen to them when she would clean. I always liked that idea. Putting on a favorite band, something really fun, to listen to while doing housework. Today I listened to Josh Wilson while doing dishes and cleaning my carpet. Before I knew it I'd listent to the whole playlist two or three times.

2)Pick Up 5 Things: This is actually a mom tip. When I was a kid (or teenager...or now...) and it was time to clean up, I would inevitably feel over-whelmed and want to use that as a cop out. My mom would say, start with five things. And invariably that would lead to five more things and five more things and before long it would be done. This can be modified to setting a time for ten minutes or the length of a favorite song.

3)Do that 'one thing' before bed: Clutter makes me nutty but since I can't possibly keep all of our rooms de-cluttered all of the time, I've decided there are two rooms of priority. One being the kitchen and the other the living room. So my 'one thing' before bed is to put all the dogs toys away (it's similar to having a toddler, only they can't talk...and will never learn to pick up after themselves), take any dishes to the kitchen, and just tidy things up. The next day then getting the kitchen back in order can be my priority.

That's really it for now. A couple years ago I had a housecleaning checklist that did wonders for me but it doesn't seem to work anymore. I must've gotten past my list phase. What are some of your tips or routines to keep your house/apartment/living area not just livable but a home? I could really use the motivation of some fresh ideas!

True Womanhood

As an English major I was required to write a senior thesis to graduate. Most of my friends and peers chose to write about a literary work they'd read in their four years (or so) of college. Not me. Of course, I have to be unique. I wanted to write about something we hadn't covered...or hadn't covered well. I had a list of ideas--everything from Peter Pan to the songs in the Bible (like Mary's song)--but what I ended up with was Sarah Josepha Hale and the Cult of Domesticity. I will award ten bonus points to anyone who knows who Sarah Josepha Hale is before reading this post. :) No cheating!

Not a popular figure in our time, it was definitely an unusual choice for an undergraduate English thesis. But I love her, and I love the cult of domesticity. In college we read a feminist piece degrading the historical notion of a woman's sphere. But I feel passionately about true womanhood and domesiticty. Maybe this is from living part of my life in the nineteenth century (I worked at a living history museum as a teenager where we did first person) but more like is the tradition of domesticity in my family. I come from a family where the women don't just cook to eat or clean to not be dirty. It's an art form, an expression of their womanhood. Which is precisely what nineteenth century author, editor, and woman Sarah Josepha Hale said of true womanhood. She was the Martha Stewart of her day...but better. No jail. And exponentially more awesome.

I won't bore you with all the details...but the premise of  true womanhood, cult of domesticity, and the woman's sphere (buzzwords in this feminism/femininity debate) is that an authentic woman is one who is a homemaker and a nurturer as that is in keeping with the nature of woman. Now, before you start firing off comments correcting me, allow me to say that I am all for women working if they want to or need to. What I am against is the modenr belief that a woman who is able to stay at home is less of a woman. As if being a strong woman is defined by a career or paycheck. You want to see a strong woman--read any diary of a historical woman. That was strength. They didn't even have Windex, people.

I admire those women and it was an honor to defend their way of life in my thesis. And it is personal for me. For countless generations back the women in my family have been domestic goddesses, the truest of true women. My grandmother never earned a paycheck, nor her mother nor her mother's mother. But they were incredible women. My grandmother told me recently that she remembers her mother making dinner, doing the dishes after dinner, laying down to rest a bit and then getting up to clean until 2 or 3am. I'm sure my great-grandmother then got up around 6am to start her day. Make a fire in the stove, get breakfast ready and kids off to school. Mending, cleaning, baking. A never ending cycle of to-dos.




My mom, Amy, as a child. So excited about that iron!




The Dayton women: Great-Aunt Annis, Great-Aunt Ruth,
my Grandmother (Betty) and my mom



And this mantle has been passed from mother to daughter. Recipes have been passed down the generations. Cleaning methods and habits persist. I'm no longer the youngest girl in the family--my three month old niece holds that distinction now. And I am now a full fledged member of our own little cult of domesticity. I have a house to keep and a husband to care for. As my niece grows she will be indoctrinated into true womanhood. She'll be taught how to make cookies from scratch and roll dough paper thin. Like me she'll learn what is used to take out stains and the value of pre-soaking. Our Pennsylvania heritage will teach her the difference between 'cleaning' and just 'reading up'. And when she's all grown up like me, she'll be one of us.

I'm not a domestic goddess. I have a long way to go before I earn that distinction. But I feel continuity with the generations long before me by taking part in this True Womanhood. The actions of domesticity--cooking, cleaning, and the like--become rituals connecting me with the past. There's something affirming in washing a dish by hand as every generation before me as done. Although, I must admit, I would kill for a dishwasher.

Much has changed. It is far easier for me to be domestic than it was for them. Every generation since the Industrial Revolution has had an easier time than the one before. But even though the accouterments of domesticity has changed, true womanhood has stayed the same. And I hope someday to be as domestically accomplished as my mother and grandmother. After all, we've been doing this for so many generations, I don't want to be the one to break with the past. And I would never want to let down my domestic idol, Sarah Josepha Hale.

I'll leave you with some of my favorite Sarah Josepha Hale quotes so you can see why I love her.

"Is it a disparagement to the rose that it differs from the acorn? Would the peach choose to be identical with the potato? Nature gives the kindly 'fruits of the earth' their uses and virtues, all different and good. With mankind it is similar. Men and women differ as essentially in their minds of modes of thoughts as in their forms."

“On the wife, especially, devolves the privilege and pleasure of rendering home happy.”

“A young bride, first making her own home, should think of this, and remember that much of her future enjoyment may depend upon the halo her hand shall throw around the domestic sanctuary.”

And these make me laugh out loud with appreciation...her advice to men (so true)

“Most women are naturally amiable, gentle, and complying; and if a wife becomes perverse, or indifferent to her home, it is usually her husband’s fault.”

“And even now, happy homes may be made, it the husband and wife would lovingly work for this sweet enjoyment.  Why should all the responsibilities be laid on woman? Would it not be well to give men a lesson or two on their home-duties? Why should not the husband be advised to bring home ‘smiles and sunshine’ for the wife, which she is admonished always to ‘have only smiles and sunshine for the husband when he comes home wearied with his day’s labor’?



My great-great-Grandmother
Vera Gertrude Nearhoof
On her honeymoon with her 2nd husband







My great-Grandmother
Florence Dayton (right) with her sister.

My great-great-great-Grandmother
Elizabeth Boger (Nearhoof)