There's a list a mile long of things I still want to get done before the baby arrives. Most of it relates directly to his arrival. Things like organizing the craft room (i.e. getting rid of all the JUNK in there we don't need and won't have room for), getting the mudroom more functional and less of a dumping ground, and the obvious things like washing all of his clothes/linens, and finishing the nursery. But I thought of one thing I want to do today before he gets here.
Last April I flew all the way to Florida to baby-sit my niece. Spending all that time in the airport and airplanes by myself gave me time to start a book of sizable girth. A book I had started once before, ages ago in middle school, and didn't finish. I got frustrated with the author's style. He tends to ramble and get himself distracted with discourses in European & Ancient history and philosophy. Now that I'm older I got into the story more (and gave myself permission to skip some pages here or there of the rambling). But when the trip came to an end, I read a little bit at home and then came to a screeching halt...300 pages from the end.
When I had my glucose test I knew I'd be trapped in the waiting room for at least an hour so I dug the book out and brought it with me. Thanks to my memory and my cinema-like mind I got right back into the plot with hardly missing a beat. But busyness has been keeping me from reading more. Well, truth be told, busyness and my DVR. I've been reliving my middle school years by watching 'Boy Meets World' every evening when I could very well be reading. I guess I'm part of the TV generation I love to loathe after all.
But I want to finish this book before the baby gets here. First of all, it's just silly that I read over a 1,000 pages and have gotten stuck here with 300 pages to go. That's far more than half and to not finish would be a real biblio-failure. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly from a psychological point of view, if I take the time to finish this book, it's something just for me. This doesn't benefit the baby, Curtis, or anyone else. And while I most definitely do not fall into the 'it's okay to be selfish' camp, I do know that there are times when it is necessary to do something completely for yourself. And completely by myself. Unlike ladies' nights and craft nights at church which involve my 'soul sisters' (as we've decided to call ourselves) reading is solitary. It's me time and only me time.
I tried to come up with some other things to achieve before my son comes in and takes over my life. Maybe it's sad but I couldn't come up with anything else that really seems important to get done. I don't have much of a bucket list really anyway. So this is the one thing on my 'Before the Baby Comes Bucket List'. To finish a novel I started almost a year ago. And I feel that I must give myself permission to fail at this in case I don't find the time to read in the next 6-8 weeks. It's okay. Really, I think the idea of it is more important. It reminds me to not let my life get too wrapped up in my son. Ultimately that wouldn't be healthy for me, Curtis, or the baby. It would lead to a loss of my identity and smothering him with my plans for his life.
And for anyone who is wondering...the book is Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. I know, I know, it seems strange that someone like me who is OBSESSED with the show and has been quite the bookworm in the past has not read LesMis yet. Like I said, Hugo can be a smidge annoying at times (especially when I tried reading him as a 7th grader...geez louise, that was rough)...but hopefully my determination wins over his ADD style of writing and I manage to finish. Or not. Either way. At least I have my music.